Humbly, I confess that the older I get, the more I learn about myself. This doesn’t come from hours and hours of self-focused introspection accomplished while sitting cross-legged and listening to my favorite, calm zen-like music. Actually, it reveals itself to me in little snippets throughout my day.

In reality, it’s probably more that I’m seeing how my thought processes are changing. The changes in thinking are the result of the changes in circumstances that have occurred throughout my life—and my chosen responses to those changes.

For the sake of trying to keep this brief, let me list two very specific circumstances which have changed through the years and how my thoughts changed because of them. Picture with me a chart. Across the top are three column divisions: (1) What I Thought; (2) What Happened; and (3) What I Think Now.

I’ll warn you, the bottom line on some of my previous thought processes were not attractive and did not speak highly of my heart! In vertical format, using the numbers listed above, here’s what my “chart” would say:

(1-What I Thought) A single woman over the age of 40 had chosen to remain single, hated men, or had something “wrong” with her (mean, unattractive, not “cool,” etc.).

(2-What Happened) I am over the age of fifty…and I am a never-been-married single woman.

(3-What I Think Now) I know God is Sovereign, and I know He has a plan for my life. Today I choose to serve Him. Today I am single.

——

(1-What I Thought) Unemployed people are lazy. There are thousands of opportunities out there. Get off your tookus and get a job.

(2-What Happened) I went through a mandatory resignation, did not qualify for unemployment or health care, read literally thousands of job postings (probably 40-50% of which were scams), applied for nearly 100 jobs (with three replies), applied to hourly-wage openings (for which I was over-qualified), and went many months with less than $200.00 income per month. I had a self-purchased iPhone prior to my job loss, and it would have cost me more to get rid of it than it did to keep it. It also provided e-mail service during the months when I could not afford Internet service from home.

(3-What I Think Now) I am upset when people mindlessly, and perhaps even unintentionally, lump all unemployed people into one category. I am troubled when I see smart-alec posts on Facebook or in news reports about someone using an iPhone while accepting food assistance. I am angry when I hear people talk about a “lazy bum” that “won’t” get a job. And I am saddened when I realize the impact that job loss has on someone’s feelings of adequacy—not because of losing a job (most of us are, in the long run, able to see with gratitude the gift we were given in the mandatory change), but because they begin to wonder what is wrong with them that they can’t turn right around and get hired.

For me, the changes in my thought processes boil down to this: God allowed my life to reach this point so that I can understand, comfort, or help someone who may be going through the second step right at this moment.

My sweet mother, when writing The Death of a Dream, her helpful booklet on unexpected life changes, taught me the importance of the verses that summarize how I am able to reach point number three. I will close with these verses and pray that I am able to continue moving to step number three as each new circumstance presents itself.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” —2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NLT

—–

Keep walking, reading, and writing—and while you do, think of someone to whom you can apply the principles taught in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

________________