The day after we talked to my mom and mutually agreed that it was best to change our travel plans this Christmas, I knew that I had a choice to make. Oddly, it was not a choice with multiple alternatives. I had only one option: I must choose to redefine—not lower—my expectations for Christmas 2020.

My memories of Christmases past have surprisingly little to do with presents, food, locations, or activities. So filling up 2020 with “more” of any of these in order to fill a void was not among the options. So what were my expectations? How had I previously defined what Christmas was or how it should look?

For me, Christmas is family. To think that their laughter, joy, and acceptance would be withheld from me this year left me as cold as a Minnesota winter. After I hung up the phone that evening, there was a momentary icy despair that felt almost “cartoon-esque” in a “Christmas-will-have-to-be-cancelled” kind of way.

Before I continue, I will quickly clarify that as a woman of faith, I long ago acknowledged that the true meaning of Christmas lies in the birth of the Christ Child—God’s magnificent love that came down to earth via the Babe in the manger. Yet I also must acknowledge that our human traditions and customs are interwoven with our celebration of His birth, giving us purpose and hope during this annual season of remembrance and forming our expectations for the celebrations we annually enjoy.

That said, allow me to share my choice to redefine my expectations for Christmas 2020.

Expectation #1: Family must be together to celebrate Christmas.

Redefined: Even if our family can’t celebrate in the same location, we can be united in purpose, encouragement, and hope.

• United in purpose: We are all celebrating the same occasion at the same time.
• United through encouragement: We all want the other family members to prosper, to be in good health, and to feel the love that we have for them. We don’t have to be in the same room to be encouraged by those generous thoughts and expressions of love and kindness. Those can happen anywhere…at any time of the year!
• United by hope: We can speak of future gatherings and know that they will be all the more delightful because of their delay.

Expectation #2: Christmas must be celebrated on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Redefined: The true meaning and spirit of Christmas cannot be defined by dates on a calendar; therefore, they can—and should—be celebrated at random.

When my siblings married and their children grew into adulthood, gathering over the Christmas holidays became more and more difficult. Thanksgiving break provided an easy solution, so we celebrated Thanksgiving on its traditional Thursday and Christmas on Friday of that week—and called it “Thanksmas!” We were together, and that, in and of itself, was cause for celebration!

However, because I did not marry until the age of fifty-five, I annually made the second trip to my parents’ home and spent Christmas with them. My brother would join us at some point during the holidays, giving us, once again, cause for celebration.

Marriage, however, changed that. I had now joined the ranks of those who had to consider the “other side” of the family. I acknowledged the traditions and timelines of my husband’s family and the extended family members of his daughter, and for the first time in fifty-five years did not spend some portion of the “two days of Christmas” with “my” family. I did not consider this a sacrifice. I considered it an act of love, making my joy all the more eager when I thought that I would be able to honor my mother and the traditions she had created in our home by spending the holidays with her this year.

Until our plans went pear-shaped.

But maybe yours did too. Or those of someone you know. And do you know what? You can celebrate Christmas in March if you want to…or May…or whenever you are together! No one—not one other being on this earth—can take away the spirit of Christmas that is in your heart, and that has nothing at all do with a calendar!

Take a moment on this Christmas Eve day to redefine your Christmas. Very few of us will have a Christmas this year that holds the same definition it has held in the past. It will look different. It will feel different. It will be different.

But you have the amazing opportunity to choose. Holding fast to your previous definitions of what this season should look like will leave you empty and, therefore, self-focused. But this is 2020. You are not alone in your need to redefine your expectations. Choose to look beyond the quietness that seems more deafening than the noise of a family gathering. Choose to hear in those silent moments the cry of the Christ Child Who had left His heavenly home for a manger…without His heavenly Father physically present. He chose love.

He came to give us that love, and that, my friend, is something to celebrate every day of the year. Christmas isn’t just family. Christmas is love—for whatever “family” (aka: friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc.) is near.

Further reading: Luke 2:1-14