To summarize a year of one’s life in a brief blog post begins with a series of questions: What mattered? What didn’t? What was insignificant to most but stood out to us? What stood out to others even though it was insignificant to us?

Wait…what did I do yesterday (let alone last year at this time)?

For the past two years I have “summarized” that year of our marriage with a blog post that had the goal both to inform and to educate. (After you finish reading this post, you may view those posts here and here.) In full disclosure, this post is a month overdue, and if that’s not an indication of the year we just completed, I don’t know what is!

Last month, Joe and I celebrated our third anniversary. This year’s “celebration” was to rest, do laundry, rest some more, read, eat leftovers, watch the last hour of a Hallmark Mystery, and then rest some more! Exciting, right? Perhaps this year more than in previous ones, I have learned that a day like this is what true love actually looks like. (In our defense, we had just come off of a weekend with a boatload of overnight guests/meal guests in our home, so we gave ourselves permission to rest up from a fun but busy weekend and celebrate at another time!)

As for the year we were celebrating?

A noteworthy birthday for Joe last October.

A major move from Indiana to South Carolina in April.

And a year filled with the realization that every day, every moment, every breath was enjoyed and completed only by the grace of a merciful God.

I could use this post to share events, completed goals, laughter-provoking stories, and tear-producing memories, but those are our stories and memories, and they lack the connection that I desire between you as the reader and I as the writer. They lack your involvement, and I value you too much to make this solely about us.

The link between your stories and mine is not merely the similarities between various events. It lies, instead, in the lessons that we can learn from our experiences, the principles that we can apply in the midst of them, and the gratitude that we can hold onto because of them.

Therefore, those are the springboards for what I am choosing to share with you from my third year as a second wife (and no, you don’t have to have a spouse to apply these).

Look for a lesson in every experience.

How can I be a better spouse/friend/teacher/grandparent/neighbor for having gone through this?

How can I use this experience to help me avoid this situation in the future or to handle it better if/when I do face it again?

Are we as a couple (and/or am I as a person) better, stronger, wiser, for having had/having chosen this experience?

Apply biblical principles in the midst of every experience.

Note: This means that you need to be faithful in studying/learning/hearing God’s Word, so that when it’s time to apply these principles, you have them in your “character warehouse,” ready for use!

Throughout this past year, Joe and I recognized that knowing what to do and doing it were often worlds apart. In the end, we always agreed that applying truth was far superior to knowing truth…every time.

Our opinions, emotions, concerns change. God’s Word never does. That’s why we had to cling to biblical principles in the midst of major (and minor) decisions, location changes, and the re-evaluation of our priorities.

Be grateful for every experience.

Grateful? For disagreements? For unkind words from those who would seek to divide us (biblical principle: Mark 10:9!)? For major life changes at this season of life?

Yes. Grateful.

Grateful because we’re walking through them together. Grateful because God has not left us or forsaken us. Grateful because we are stronger, wiser, better, more humble, more confident for having reached the other side, prepared for the next experience (whether good or bad) that will teach us the next lesson, to which we can apply biblical principles, and for which we will one day be grateful.

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One final note: For me, this year carried one additional, personal lesson: My identity pertaining to Joe is not in being Joe’s second wife; it is in being Joe’s wife. While we both unhesitatingly acknowledge that Joe was married before and loved his late wife dearly, we also firmly believe that our union following her passing was God’s direction, His timing, His plan.

Therefore, this will be the final post in this series of “a year in the life of a second wife.” It’s too easy to get tripped up if you attempt to move forward while looking backward.