Dear Grandma,

My oldest graduates from high school this year, and in the next five years my other two children will be leaving home as well. I have such conflicted feelings and emotions on this. First off, I realize that my time is short and there are still so many things to work on with them. Then I start to think of how my life will drastically change without them at home, and it saddens me. I know this is not the right response, since the Proverbs 31 woman “smiles at the future.” I do pray for the Lord to prepare me for the next step since this has been my life for the last 18 years. What advice/encouragement would you give to a mom in my spot?

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Grandma says:

It seems like just yesterday that I stood where you are standing. Your question seems to come from a wise mother who wants to plan ahead, be prepared, and have her family prepared. Think of your three children as a loan from a loving God. You do not own them. You get to teach them, by example, values that will guide their choices through life.

“Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7, NIV).

As you prepare your oldest for college, let him or her know of your prayer support and assure your child of your continued listening ear. Be sure the family does not make the child feel guilty for leaving them. You could possibly suggest that your child follow the same devotional reading plan that you will be using at home. When our first child left for college, this was a blessing to him and to us.

If possible, plan to attend events in which your child participates: major sporting events, musical programs or concerts, drama productions, debate or forensics tournaments, etc. Of course, with the help of technology you can occasionally communicate in a comfortable setting while seeing each other via a smartphone or over the Internet.

Show an interest in your child’s friends and also encourage him or her to have an outreach for the Lord through the use of his or her skills and abilities. This includes encouraging your child to have consistent involvement in a good church. This will not only help your child to continue to grow spiritually, but it will also allow him or her to have the support of a church “family” while in college.

The children who are still in your home may enjoy preparing a “care package” for their college sibling. Everything that they see you do for the current college student will help them to look forward to those upcoming years in their own lives.

Have you taught your children everything they need to know? Probably not. But you have taught them values by your example as you faced difficult or everyday situations.

Let your children know often of your unconditional love for them. Show them the joy of sharing, caring, and being teachable throughout life. This is a great privilege!

The relationship between you and your husband is the most important earthly relationship your children will observe. Look forward to the day when it is just the two of you! Plan some projects in your home that you can do together. Do you remember those early days in your marriage when the dream of just you two being together was foremost on your mind? Well, that time has nearly arrived!

Don’t allow worry to creep in. Remember that worry is our attempt to do what only God can do. (Suggested reading: Ephesians 5:22–33.)

Love,
Grandma

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