Sitting at the big round table at Cracker Barrel today, I had a breakthrough moment where something I’ve been struggling with suddenly vanished into insignificance. (I also had a ginormous serving of food that probably could have and should have fed an entire third-world country, but that’s a whole ‘nother story!)
I’m sharing this struggle because I’m certain that I can’t be the only one.
I want to matter. I don’t give a frip about money or position or recognition or accumulated hoo-ha. I simply want to matter. For many years I have said that “when my time comes,” I want a simple grave marker the size of a 4 x 6 card for a tombstone, but I want it to say my name, my dates of birth and death, and then, in order to show that what I did mattered and mattered for the right reasons, I want the words of John 17:4 included: “I have brought You glory on earth by finishing the work You gave me to do” (NIV).
Yet lately, from the confines of a three-story home filled with beautiful globally acquired treasures and people that I love, I’ve realized that…I pretty much don’t matter. Now before you send me counseling materials and dial the help-a-friend hotline for advice, let me explain.
In my current situation, serving as a caregiver for my aging parents in their home, it’s hard to believe that crushing pills, applying lotions, providing physical support for someone else’s frail and weakened body, turning the TV on precisely one minute before the evening news, reading a one-page devotional each evening, or helping with numerous other seemingly menial tasks actually matters anywhere outside these walls. And yet, I realize that it doesn’t have to. It has to matter to my parents and to God. And I believe that it does.
But I shamefacedly and openly confess that this leaves me feeling lonely, insignificant in the big picture, and wondering if I’ll ever really “matter” beyond this street address.
And then, in a God-directed moment, a former student/now friend who once worked in my office at a small college in the north woods of Wisconsin and now serves as a missionary in Puerto Rico with her dear family sent me a message the other day to see how far my “new” town was from the toll road. To make a long story, well, not as long, I’ll just say that I ended up getting to meet my friends at Cracker Barrel for lunch today. I had never met their three awesome kids, so that was an “Auntie Brenda” blessing just thrown in as a bonus!
As I talked with the husband about some editing work my freelance business has done and will be doing for him, it hit me: You, Brenda Strohbehn, get to have a part in something that matters. From inside the walls of your home, your work, your words, your life get to intertwine with unknown numbers of people as you pray for, edit, and encourage the publication of this printed material—material that matters.
And that matters.
Moms with little kids at home and whose days are spent “confined” by going only the distance between the kitchen, the bathroom, and the living room certainly feel this way at times. But don’t you see, my amazing faith-friends? That matters! The work you do there matters in perhaps a globally impacting way down the road as your child travels for business when he or she becomes an adult and shares the wonderful truths that you taught him or her in that confined space at a time when thought you didn’t matter. It matters when your child, as my friends now are doing, becomes vocationally committed to sharing the Good News with others in lands that God says matter.
Every person, doing the work that he or she is called to do, matters. What you’re doing today? It matters. Because what Christ did matters, doing the work He has given you to do in this moment matters.
The only time it can’t matter is when you’re unfocused and distracted into thinking that it doesn’t matter.
Thank you so much. I often struggle with this – I do ordinary and mundane things in my life and I wish I were able to do things that “really” mattered. I know that ultimately God is the One to use my ordinary and turn it into His extraordinary. However, I am human and want to have the feeling of accomplishment that I think only comes from extraordinary things. Thank you so much for understanding this struggle and sharing your thoughts.
Beth Fitch
Brenda, that is so good to read today! Please know that you are doing what The Lord has purposed for you to do! This is exactly what I needed to read! You and I have not met but your parents are so dear to my parents and me! I remember very fondly when they came to our little church to speak a revival. They had brought their own fruit for breakfast which fell behind the nightstand in the bedroom and your mother could not find it. We determined that she just must have not brought it along or that it otherwise was vanished. I must admit it was several weeks later that I swept that area and found the missing apples. Please tell your mom and dad as I don’t think I ever did follow up on that saga, probably never thought of again by them. But your blog reminded me (talk about Organize and Omit…) and I am thinking that your mom was right when she told me that you and I have very kindred feelings. Often I wonder what my purpose is and I realize maybe it is not for me to know, it is for me to listen, follow and trust God. This week it is to take my daddy fishing. He will no doubt haul in more than I will, he has more practice at noticing the nibbles! Just now, speaking of breakfast, I’m pretty sure I hear Mom cracking open a few eggs! Yum! Please send along my love to your folks and keep a share for yourself! Love, Angie Myers Bryant
Wonderful thoughts Brenda! As part of the body we all have jobs to accomplish for His service. Some are more visible, some are more behind the scenes. All are equally important! Thank you for sharing your heart!
Been there, thought that! You have ALWAYS been a blessing and encouragement to me and all those around you! May the Lord continue to use you in a mighty way! XXX
Brenda, this is a beautiful post. It’s so easy to think we don’t matter, but God created each of us for a purpose. We matter, and most importantly we matter to Him.
Blessings,
Joan