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How to Keep Calm in the Midst of Uncertain Change

I don’t recall that my mom ever yelled at us. Instead, her voice grew softer when she wanted us to stop quarreling, be still, and listen. In like manner, as the children of Israel were being chased, literally, by the Egyptians who had enslaved them, Moses instructed them to “stand still.”

13 And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.
14 The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Exodus 14:13–14, ESV

They were frantic. Their emotions were getting the best of them, and they were inciting a “mob mentality”: because the growing crowd of nervous complainers was growing, more were joining in, getting even more people all riled up.

However, Moses had listened to, learned from, and personally witnessed numerous acts of God by this time, and he knew that the key to keeping calm in the midst of uncertain change was to rely on the power of the almighty God. Moses could give the instructions of verse 13 because he believed the promise in verse 14.

The promise of this verse—“The Lord will fight for you”—was originally spoken in a specific setting for a specific time. But we often enter times when we grow frantic, listen to bad input from others, and are fearful of the outcome. The same God Who fought for the Israelites will fight for us!

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This post first appeared on “June 4” in Pages of Promises: 365 Devotional Thoughts on the Promises of God. Additionally, it found its origin, in part, in Brenda’s seven-lesson Bible study, Choosing to Change when Change Happens, which is suitable for individual or group study. Click here to learn more and to order your copies.

By Petals from the Basket | June 6, 2019 | Bible Reading, Books, God-and-I-Time, Ideas, Life Changes |

But I’m Not a Mom

This post first appeared on the blog on May 9, 2014 and again on May 6, 2016 and May 12, 2017. Though I have removed one paragraph and tweaked a few words because my marital status has changed since the original post, my prayer is that it will once again serve as a reminder to all of us this Mother’s Day weekend.

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With my sweet mama, whom I love, admire, and respect!

There is only one way for single and childless women to view Mother’s Day—the right way. There is no other option. So what is the right way? Let me partially answer that by first sharing what it is not.

On my sister Marcia’s birthday, it would be foolish for me to be upset, stay home from her birthday celebration to watch a sad movie, and eat ginormous amounts of Hot Tamales (my comfort food of choice) just because the celebration isn’t about me.

On my sister Karen’s wedding anniversary, it would have been obnoxious for me to have written a blog post in the years prior to my own marriage, asking the world to stop celebrating wedding anniversaries just because I didn’t have one to celebrate and telling them to be sensitive to my lack in their time of celebration.

Therefore, my single friends and friends without children, this coming Sunday, let’s celebrate our own mothers as well as mothers everywhere for the amazing work that they do. Do you seriously think that when the pastor of the church has mothers stand up to recognize them for their all-too-often thankless role in shaping the generation of the future that your spiritual leader is, in actuality, saying, “What I really want you to do is turn around and take note of all the women not standing and inwardly laugh hysterically that there must be something horribly wrong with them since they are either childless or, worse yet, without a spouse altogether”?

As harsh as it may sound, the answer is NO! This is not about you. [And in you, I include me!]

Too often, as singles or as those without children, we turn situation after situation into what we think is a time of “permissible whining” because we are spouseless or childless. Yes, those situations hurt—I understand…firsthand. But whining is not permissible, and it is not attractive!

We say that we trust God’s leading, but then we fail to trust Him enough to obey His commands:

“Do everything [yes, everything!] without grumbling….” —Philippians 2:14, NIV

“Give thanks in all [yes, all] circumstances….” —I Thessalonians 5:18, NIV

“Rejoice [yes, rejoice] with those who rejoice….” —Romans 12:15, NIV

WAIT! Don’t say it yet! Because I know what some of you are thinking: “But, Brenda, the second half of that last verse you posted reminds believers to ‘mourn with those who mourn.’ So I expect the street to go both ways!”

And you would be right. It should go both ways. But what if it doesn’t? Does that excuse you from rejoicing on their behalf, particularly, in this setting, as they rejoice in the role of motherhood? You know the answer.

So is it wrong to be sad that you are without a spouse or that you still don’t have children after many years of trying and praying for a child? Of course not. Just remember to keep it a desire and not a demand!

And more importantly, remember to rejoice with those who have been given what you long for. Focus on others this weekend. Applaud those amazing females when they stand in church during their far-too-brief moment of recognition! Look beyond your own garden and see the beautiful array of flowers that we all get the opportunity to celebrate this weekend!

I’m throwing in this final paragraph, even though it may seem to slightly contradict all of the above…well…because I can! One of my nieces calls me or texts me every year on Mother’s Day and thanks me for being “a woman of influence” in her life, knowing that my desire for motherhood is not one that will ever be fulfilled at this point and choosing to lift me up on a day when the evil ick whispers in my ear more often than he should be allowed to do! So let me encourage you—both married women and single women—to think of a single woman or a childless woman you could encourage this weekend by thanking her for her influence in your life. No, you’re not trying to make it a “substitute Mother’s Day” celebration for her—she’s not a mom. You are simply using this widely celebrated weekend that honors mothers as an impetus to celebrate women who have impacted your life! (In the process, it just may serve as a means to remind you that you’re not the only one who is not a mom.)

The bottom line? To my friends and family who are moms, I wish you the most joyful of all Mother’s Days! To my friends who, like myself, are not moms, I wish you a day of joy as you look outward and celebrate those who are!

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By Petals from the Basket | May 12, 2019 | Auntie Brenda (Dating/Singles), Bible Reading, Events, Family, Friends, Life Changes |

An Open Letter of Gratitude to Mrs. Beneth Peters Jones

Sweet Mrs. Jones,

To address this letter to you as “Beneth” would minimize its purpose. To simply address you as “friend” would minimize the length of years over which this letter is long overdue. To omit the word sweet would make the words that follow come only from my memories and not from a heart that has been touched by yours. I have shed tears over your prayer requests, shared laughter over your self-deprecating comments, and wondered for years how you are able to get your nose to do that cute little back-and-forth rapid twitching thing that you do (just like the character “Samantha” on Betwitched).

Your dear husband shared with all of us yesterday that your medical treatments have ended because they are no longer effective. Over the past twenty-four hours, I have experienced a sense of earthly sorrow that your lymphoma will have been indeed terminal and a sense of empathetic joy on your behalf that, as Dr. Bob stated in his note, your lymphoma will “soon be terminated.” An additional emotion of jealousy entered in, knowing that your effervescent faith will soon be sight as you gaze into the eyes of our Savior.

So, dear one, I count this time as a privilege. We are often faced with coulda-shoulda-wouldas, wondering why we left our “one-of-these-days-I-should-write-this-note-to-her” unwritten. But the news came, the tears flowed, and I knew that I could, should, and would look at this opportunity as a gift.

So today, I not only thank you, but I thank you publicly, honoring merely a few of the specific ways in which you have impacted my life through the years.

In your gracious, gentle way, you were a true champion for Christian women everywhere. But not in the ways that many would think.

Your column, Sunshine on the Soapsuds (and the subsequent books that sprang from its content), taught me a vital lesson as a teenage girl: Christian women can write, can make a difference through their writing, and can be honest through their writing about who they are. While other writers, even in recent years, write of God’s grace, they often write as if they don’t need it. You, fearless one, wrote honestly of your gratitude for grace, and you acknowledged that you needed it. You wrote and spoke of your personal foibles. You wrote outside of yourself and your not-always-comfortable bubble of Christendom. Second only to my dear father, you impacted my desire to write. You paved the way for me, as a Christian woman, to do so. And for this, I am grateful.

You once wrote an article in which you stated that you would use the name Beneth Peters Jones, including your “maiden name” from that point forward. Through this, you honored your heritage, your “roots,” as it were, and your parents. You didn’t do it to be “independent of your husband,” as some did in choosing not to take their spouse’s last name at all. No, you once again chose to take a bold move, set the pace, and say, “Honoring my heritage matters.” In my writing, I use “Brenda Strohbehn Henderson” not because I was single for so long and want to keep “my” name. I do it for the same reasons as—and more importantly, because of—you, Beneth Peters Jones. And for this, I am grateful.

After we had received the e-mail and after your husband graciously and transparently shared the next steps of your family’s journey through this cancer, I was touched to see the outpouring of gratitude, love, and prayers that were being shared via social media. Pictures of you were popping up in my Facebook feed and on Instagram. Those pictures were not there because you were close, intense “besties” with any of those people. Nor could this open letter be written to you out of that level of friendship either. But you, a world-traveling, in-the-spotlight-more-often-than-not, godly woman have this uncanny way of making each woman you meet feel as if she matters more—as if she is indeed your dearest and best friend, as if her problems are greater than your own, as if she has impacted your life more than you have impacted hers. It was of their own accord that the photographers at our wedding got the picture of you and, as my Joe calls him, “Bob 3″…not posing, but just being you. So I include this, along with a couple of you and my sweet mama conversing, for you, thoughtful one, to see and to know that your presence that day let us know that we mattered to you. And for this, I am grateful.

You continue to teach me what grace looks like, not just through your writing, but now through your laughter, tears, prayers, personal conversations. Your example of living life reliant on His mercy alone shines forth across the breakfast table in your home. And for this, I am grateful.

Which reminds me, if you’d be so kind as to allow this still-struggling-in-the-kitchen, still-somewhat-new bride to have your waffle recipe, I (and more importantly, Joe) would be most grateful. Seriously. Those things are the lightest, tastiest waffles in all of cooking-dom! Oh yes, and for this, I will be most grateful!

My tears are now flowing, because both this letter and your time with us must come to their appointed end. Your life will continue to touch women everywhere and teach them that, above all…Christ. And for you, sweet Mrs. Jones…Beneth…friend, I am grateful.

Brenda Strohbehn Henderson

Isaiah 41:13

By Petals from the Basket | February 1, 2019 | Bible Reading, Books, Family, Friends, God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |

More Than Just a Logbook

I recently sat down to look through one of the Pilot’s Logbooks that I had filled in during my flying career. These books (similar to a journal) record various categories of flight time that contribute to a pilot’s “total flight time.” These include, but are not limited to, flight instruction that is received in ground school (classroom instruction), flight simulator instruction, and airplane instruction.

As I looked over the dates, times, and locations on those pages, my thoughts ran deeper than the mere facts and figures. I recalled the fifty-plus flight instructors who taught me both academically and practically what I needed to know about flying an airplane. These men and women were passionate professionals who imparted wisdom that would, throughout my entire career, guide my decisions and actions within the cockpit.

In moments of reflection like these, my heart fills with gratitude for their instruction and their example.

Yet when I consider my vocational instructors, I am also reminded of those men and women who have impacted my life in the spiritual realm. I rejoice that I can join the psalmist who said, in Psalm 61:5 (NKJV), “You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.”

Spiritual instruction happens both inside and outside the home. For example, I received wonderful instruction from my godly grandparents, parents, and family members through their example, exhortation, and guidance. Preachers and teachers were also used by God to instruct me in His Word. Christian businesspeople, such as doctors, school teachers, and other believers, played vital roles in my spiritual instruction as they ministered to me in specific ways in various seasons of my life.

No matter who the instructor was, his or her constructive criticism, encouragement, and guidance helped me to stay on course spiritually.

God’s Word is full of these kinds of instructors and helpers. To name just a few, there was Moses, who was an example for Joshua; Elijah, who instructed Elisha; and Naomi, who taught Ruth. In addition to Paul’s teaching, Timothy also received instruction from his mother (Eunice) and his grandmother (Lois).

In the process of recalling those who have helped me in my walk of faith, I had to ask myself, “Who am I guiding and instructing spiritually?”

In this season of my life, I again pray the prayer of a psalmist. This time my prayer is: “Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come” (Psalm 71:18, NKJV).

But don’t wait until you’re “old and grayheaded” to think that you can instruct others in the ways of the Lord. My mother-in-law often quotes an unknown source with this reminder: “Each of us is older than someone.” So look around you. Find someone to whom you can be an example, a mentor, an instructor, because, as another oft-quoted saying goes, “To teach is to touch a life forever.”

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By Petals from the Basket | January 31, 2019 | Bible Reading, Family, Friends, God-and-I-Time, Life Changes, The Captain's Corner |

When Everyone Has a Snow Day

I woke up at 5:10 this morning—without an alarm. Know why? Because we had declared a self-proclaimed “Snow Day” at our house, giving each other the (unnecessary) “permission” to sleep in! But those two words still…to this day…strike excitement in me, and I just couldn’t sleep any longer!

It’s cold in the Midwest this week. And it’s going to get colder. No, seriously…freakishly cold.

I’ve been super impressed with the schools, businesses, organizations, cities, and towns that have pre-cancelled events, acknowledging the dangers of bitterly low temperatures and their resulting wind chills. It’s wise. Safety matters more. In most cases, the work can wait. In most cases, the need to be out and about pales in comparison to the impending dangers of abnormally frigid temperatures.

But I also realize that an extra two or three days off of school can present a whole new set of challenges for those with children at home or for those who seriously may be wondering what to do with all this unplanned “free” time. My advice? View this time as a gift, not a burden. Seriously. It will change how you use the time you’ve been given over the next few days!

Enjoy some extra screen time, but let it be a “treat,” not a time-consuming force.

Yes, it’s fun to post a picture or two on social media, but then…move on. Don’t let the “it’s colder where we are than where you are” and “we’re worse off than anyone else” competition keep you glued to the screen. It’s cold. The snow is pretty. Post it. Share it. Enjoy it. But go to bed at night knowing that your gift of time was cherished, not squandered by a need for “likes,” comments, and more photos than you need to take the time to share. Remember, it’s not bad to have a little more screen time, but it’s a little off balance to let it be the only thing you can write in your journal at the end of the day! [Yes, I started with this one because it’s the most likely gobbler-upper of “free-time.”]

Play games—even if you’re home alone.

Go through the game closet and dig out some of the “oldies” that your family enjoyed in the past. Keep the time short (i.e., only a few rounds vs. an entire afternoon of Uno). It helps to avoid grumpiness and tiredness-related fierce competitions. Games are good for the mind, so don’t think that just because you’re alone or because it’s just the two of you that you can’t sit down and play a game! I’ve beaten myself many a time at a good round of Mancala!

It’s okay to play something on your screen, too, but you may be surprised at how the conversations you’ve been hoping would happen will happen around the kitchen table while you play games…together.

Throw in some fun twists to the normal “rules” of the game:

  • Play SkipBo in both directions (i.e., You can stack cards in ascending or descending order…at any time!)
  • Play “round robin” checkers – when there are more than two people, the next person at the table makes the next move, regardless of color (i.e., no teams, just individual moves)
  • The winner of the game doesn’t have to help clear the table after the next meal
  • Borrowing the concept from Uno, if the person who is about to go “out” on the next round doesn’t announce it (e.g., “One left”), someone else can “catch” that person’s error and then hand the person one of his or her own cards, Domino tiles, etc.
  • Use a family favorite, age-appropriate twist that suits your playing style – e.g., when you receive a “Draw Four” in Uno, you have to draw four, but then you get to get up, walk around the table four times, and hand one of your newly drawn cards to the fourth person away from you at the table

Make reading a reward.

After a noisy, excited, “now-I’m-bored” couple of hours together, everyone (especially the parents) needs some quiet time alone. At a given time, encourage everyone to grab a favorite blanket (or have them build a personal “reading fort”) and get a favorite book from the shelf. (This is a fun time for older kids to re-read some of their childhood favorites from their bookshelves.) Set a time limit during which no one may get up, leave their spot, etc. (other than for emergencies or bathroom needs, of course).

At the end of that time, everyone should meet in the kitchen, family room, wherever, to have hot chocolate and/or a simple snack. During this time, let each person at the table share about one fun or interesting thing that he or she read.  Keep the length of the reading time age-appropriate. Don’t overextend it. Make them eager to return to the book later!

Have a slumber party.

Sleep in sleeping bags in a common area (e.g., the family room or living room) or on the floor in the parents’ room. If school has already been cancelled for the next day, let them stay up a little while longer. (Keep it age-appropriate…lack of sleep isn’t good for littles’ temperaments the next day, so choose your battles based on your family’s sleep habits!)

For added fun, watch an old movie (a funny one as opposed to a scary one…duh!) and enjoy popcorn (no caffeinated beverages!) while you watch together.

Work on a household project or craft project together.

Working on regular household chores should not be neglected, but it also shouldn’t be the summary of “time off” from school or work. Instead, this refers to something like each person pitching in time and talents to choose (or draw, color, create) and frame a photo for the new “gallery wall” you’ve been wanting to hang. Not only will it look good, but each person has now become invested in the project, filling it with memories as well a new look for the room! And for criminy crickets, it doesn’t have to be perfect!

Check Pinterest for a simple, doable, realistic, age-appropriate crafty-type project to do. Seriously, make it fit all of those criteria! And keep it short. Tedium is not the goal! Togetherness is. For added lesson-building time, use that craft as a gift for someone else. Teach the lesson of sharing through this craft.

Enjoy your time together. 

If your children think it’s no fun for you to have them around for a few extra days, you can be certain that they will do their part to make sure it’s not fun for you to have them around for a few extra days! So enjoy it. Even if you don’t. The more fun you make of it, the more fun you’ll have!

So now it’s your turn. Feel free to leave a comment (or a photo on the social media shares of this post) with a positive idea that you are actually doing or that you are choosing to do from this list in order to enjoy your time off from work or school during the Freeze Out of 2019! Please post these before noon (CST) on Friday, February 1, 2019. Hashtag it! #FrozenFamilyFun

As an incentive for you to share, Joe and I will choose a winner from the entries submitted (photos don’t earn extra credit, they’re just fun), and the winner will receive a FREE copy of our 365-day devotional (suitable for individual, couples, or family readings…affiliate link follows), Pages of Promises! The winner will be announced via social media on Friday afternoon and via our Saturday blog post!

Stay warm. Stay safe.

By Petals from the Basket | January 29, 2019 | Books, Events, Family, Friends, God-and-I-Time, Ideas |