As a PK (“pastor’s kid”), I often felt that others thought I was supposed to be perfect. The voice that spoke this expectation the loudest was my own. Yet my dear parents helped me to learn that while I was indeed to live a life dedicated to God in word and deed, it was to be the result of being a surrendered Christ follower—not because of any role my parents or I played in the leadership of the church.

I failed miserably. And I do mean miserably. And I failed often. And I do mean often. Yet God’s grace reached out to me just as it did to anyone else. He loved me. He forgave me. He rescued me from the separation from God that came because I was born into a world of sin. He saved me!

So why is there a tendency on the part of church-going people to watch the pastor’s family so closely? Is it because they think the pastor’s family is supposed to be sinless—that they have a stricter set of commands from God that they must follow? No. I don’t believe that’s why. (Although, some pastors’ families live with that sense of martyrdom and piety, giving authority to those thoughts rather than proving them wrong.)

I personally believe that the pastor’s family lives by the same set of commands for Christlike living that are given to all other believers. But there’s a reason God gives specific guidelines in His Word to pastors. They are to be an example, to show what it looks like to live out these commands, and to equip others to do the same. This is true not only in making right choices; it is also true when sinful choices are made, and the pastor and/or his family can demonstrate that God’s grace is greater than sin.

That’s why the evil one tries so hard to destroy pastors and their families. Not because they’re special or “better” than others in the church, but because they are the ones called upon to demonstrate the Christian life to other believers in the church and in the community. The evil ick wants nothing more than to destroy that example and, in doing so, to try (unsuccessfully) to mar the name of God.

However, it’s imperative to note here that he is seeking to destroy any believer that he deems to be a threat to his cause. While this often happens through forces outside the church itself, it can also happen within the church (the family of God) and even more personally than that: in our physical families.

Families that the evil one can’t divide by adultery, lawlessness, or divorce, he spends extra time trying to divide by pride, gossip, anger, resentment, and falsehood—both perceived and real. Family matters. Protect it with unconditional love and loyalty—for the glory of God.

You were placed in your earthly family for a reason. Ephesians chapters five and six talk about the role of various members of the family because this is where the unconditional love of God is to be demonstrated first! It is where His mercy and grace are to be carried out on a daily basis. It’s also where it’s the hardest to serve Him with our entire body, soul, and spirit because it’s where we can “let our hair down,” where we can “vent,” and where we think people have to love us, so we must be able to treat them however we want to.

Yet that is not the command God gives to all believers. He warns us in Proverbs 13:10 that “only by pride comes contention.” When contention arises in the home (or in the church), pride is present. Period. He further reminds all believers to “love one another” (John 13:34–35). And then He lists the qualities of that love in I Corinthians 13:4–8.

So whether you’re a pastors’ family, a family within the church, or simply a family seeking to know and live for God, protect the wonderful privilege God has given to you to demonstrate His love, mercy, and grace—and start by doing it at home.